Morbid or in Love with Living?

I’m obsessed with dying, death and grief. I used to be a little shy about this. Why are you so morbid, Kelly? Don’t tell anyone! I don’t know if I’m morbid or in love with living. Is it morbid to feel more alive as you get closer to stories of death?

A common visualization I do every now and then (you can do this too) is to imagine the very end of your life. You’re lying on your death bed. Look around - who would be next to your side? What would you be thinking or talking about? Immediately that puts things in perspective. 

From the death bed to the present moment; this little exercise makes me acutely aware of the moments in time I won’t get back. My daughter - a junior in high school, when she plops on my bed for a late night talk - you better believe I’m all ears. When my husband stoops his whole 6’6” self down for a kiss - I see it for what it is, a gift. When my 11-year-old yaps on and on about why he thinks reptiles are capable of bonding (it’s an ongoing debate between us) - I can’t help but notice how his jaw line is changing - is he becoming a teenager right in front of me?! And then my 15-year-old - she and I make funny faces at each other at the dinner table, and I really hope our secret language never fades. 

Yes, stories of loss make me feel alive. I know the things that matter most in life are close relationships and experiences within those relationships. Feeling sad means having something to be sad about.

I’m drawn to it, and it’s ok if you think I’m weird.

Sue Johnson was surprised to discover that when people process developmental trauma, the emotion at the bottom of it all is grief. It’s not fear. They feel heartbroken for the loss of what should have been. As humans, we have intuition about what should be our birthright.

To love and be loved - it’s beautiful, it’s life, and it’s why I love sad stories.

I have nothing more to say about this - but if you want to join me in feeling alive through stories of grief and loss - here are some shortcuts to crying:

Favorite Sad Memoirs

When Breathe Becomes Air - Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon and gorgeous writer, described his experience of dying - while he was literally dying. His wife had to write the final chapter because he didn’t get to finish the book. I stayed up late reading this one. My husband was sound asleep next to me as I tried to stifle my sniffles and sobs.

Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved - Kate Bowler is a cancer survivor, she’s funny and she’s so real. She also has an amazing podcast with the same name as her book. 

A Heart That Works - Do not read this if you don’t want to be heartbroken or if you have children and don’t want to imagine every parent’s worst nightmare. Actor Rob Delaney pours his heart and soul into this book about the loss of his two-year-old son, Henry. 

Favorite Sad Band

Cloud Cult - Band leader, Craig Minowa grieves his 2-year-old son, Kaidin through his music, specifically in the album “The Seeker.” Every concert is a vehicle to feel his son’s presence. My favorite of their songs is “These are the Days to Remember.” I’ve played it on repeat in my car - tears streaming down my face.

Favorite Sad Podcast

All There Is - Journalist Anderson Cooper is on his journey about grief - the experience and expression of it. His guests are all famous, and when they talk about their experience with loss - they feel like someone you could know. There is no privilege when it comes to loss.

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Is there anyone out there like me? Respond to this post and let me know if you are also drawn to stories of loss. I guess it makes sense - we’re therapists and we want to dive into deep waters. We’re not afraid of pain - in fact, it’s where we find what’s real and what matters most in life.

*This has nothing to do with this post, but I did want to let you know - I have a page of all my upcoming trainings and self-paced courses. If you haven’t visited the Red Therapy Group site lately, it’s new!