Soul Boss

Do you know what happens when you take a sabbatical? You get space. Mental, emotional and literal schedule-opening space. Therapists reading this can probably take a stab at what happens when you get space. That’s right - there’s nothing distracting you from what’s uncomfortable. 

I think this is the real reason people don’t often take sabbaticals. While I consider it a privilege to take a whole month off of work, I’ve known other small business owners who could easily do the same thing, but just don’t make it happen. Busy-ness keeps us a nice distance from ourselves. I heard a Friedrich Nietzsche quote on a podcast the other day that made me literally stop in my tracks: 

“Haste is universal because everyone is in flight from themselves.” 

Ponder that! On one hand - don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s the human condition to run from yourself! It's easy to do, too - there are a million shiny (and seemingly important) things around that we can use to distract ourselves. But, consider the consequences. If we’re always running - we don’t get to know who we really are and what we really want.

This week is my first week back after my sabbatical. I love my work, so it’s good to be back in that rhythm. And, it’s about time I put all my reflections to practical use. When I say reflections - please don’t imagine me in a cabin with a journal. It’s more like a text to my sisters:

“I think the space is making me feel all the things about business ownership… it’s uncomfortable. I don’t trust myself enough (even though I think I’m the shit- lol)…it’s so lonely and scary being this responsible but also - I am. So I kind of need to just accept it and be a boss. Like in my soul.”

Can you relate to being uber responsible, having enormous responsibilities - but also feeling a bit like you’re still 12 years old? What is that - imposter syndrome? I think every time I’ve sat in a chair that’s just a little bigger than me, I hope there’s someone around who will let me know I’m doing the right thing and that I’m not missing anything. I look around for some sign that tells me what direction to go in and where to focus.

And then I realize, there’s no one. It’s just me and I am a boss. I have to be a boss in my soul, though. Loneliness comes with the territory of being a boss. The responsibility is real, and I’m too far in to go back. So, deep in my soul, I have to BE a boss. What does that mean? I think it just means trusting myself. More and more - I do. And then I don’t. And then I take a sabbatical, and a tiny voice inside me says, “You can trust you.”

I’m speaking mostly as a business owner. I’ve made moves to be less in the weeds of my business - putting people and processes in place so that I can focus on keeping the business healthy and nurture a good steady growth. That means letting go of control and actually trusting others to help me. Soul Boss.

How does this apply to those solo-preneurs out there? Are you a boss in your soul? Have you accepted that in some ways you are alone (no one can actually tell you what to do - you don’t want that anyway) and you do have enormous responsibilities (providing for yourself/your family, giving good care to your clients) and you can trust yourself?

If you’re struggling with feeling confident in your business - you’re not alone. Before you run away from that uncomfortable feeling (and yourself), take a moment. Slow down. Tune in. You’re in there (soul boss) and you’re actually doing it! You’re providing for your family and doing great work that you’re passionate about.

*The picture with this post is from the Hemingway House in Key West, FL. I think this cat is a soul boss, don’t you?

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