Zinnias

It’s fall and my zinnias are on their way out, which is always a sad day for me. The picture above is when they were in their full glory - way back in July. They would be embarrassed if I showed you what they look like now: droopy, wilted and starting to brown. It’s been a month since I’ve cut the last of the presentable blooms.

I look forward to planting every year (usually in May). After the seeds go into the ground, I wait with great anticipation until the day I can start my weekly ritual of cutting and arranging for my kitchen windowsill.

One day I made a bouquet for a friend. As my daughter and I were driving to drop it off, she asked me, “What are these called anyway?” I proceeded to tell her the following story (more than she was asking for):

“Zinnias! - and let me just tell you the origin story. Way back when I was working at an agency - this is like, 17 years ago - I had a client that was sexually abused as a child. I was using this method called EMDR to help her process her trauma. With EMDR, one of the first things you do is help them establish a “safe space” in their brain - a sort of visualization exercise. Hers was what she imagined her backyard to be. She created this sanctuary in her mind and would go there at the end of every session to ground herself.
For our last session, she brought me a bouquet of zinnias. At some point during our work together, I didn’t know it - but she transformed her safe space into reality in her actual backyard! Now these happy flowers were everywhere in her life - both when she closed her eyes and when she stepped out back. It helped her breathe deeply and reset.

At the time, I had never seen zinnias before. I was like - “What are these flowers?!”

And she was like - “Oh! These are so easy. You can save the heads and use them to replant every year.”

And so I did. Isn’t that great?!”

My daughter loved knowing the origin story behind why I plant zinnias every year. Maybe she pretended to love it. It’s hard to tell. She might have been happier with just the name of the flowers as an answer. 

Regardless of how my daughter felt, telling the story made me want to tell it to you. 

Zinnias have become my safe haven too. I love how they bring the hummingbirds, bees and butterflies. I love how they make me slow down and get me out of my head and into the earth.

I think my past client would be happy to know that zinnias don’t represent our work anymore. They’ve become part of me. As an amateur gardener, they’re perfect for a little seasonal hobby. 

This is a cute story, right? It gets better. You won’t believe it!

This client wanted to come back to me recently. This happens a lot with trauma. People process the impact of trauma from their past on their present. After they do a chunk of work, sometimes new triggers or life circumstances can bring up more. It’s a progression, not a failure.

I was so tempted to take her back, but because I’m now a group practice owner - I didn't have capacity to give her the attention she deserves. I sent her to a fantastic therapist on my team. I knew I was giving them both a gift with the introduction.

Alyssa (my therapist) did amazing EFIT work with this client. I was right - they loved each other. Alyssa called me on the day of their last session. She said, “I just want you to know our shared client is doing so well. She’s seeing changes in all kinds of contexts - her marriage, parenting… She is able to tolerate emotions in her body and trust them! AND, she is so sweet - she gave me this little bouquet of flowers.”

WHAT?! 

I demanded a picture of them, and of course - they were zinnias.

What a full circle moment. Those zinnias, plopped into a vase (by her and now me) bring celebration and expressed gratitude. They are also an ongoing, annual ritual of harvest by both of us - in our separate quiet lives.

Don’t underestimate the impact you have. The work you do lives on in your clients and their people, even after you forget. I can look out my window as I type this and see my dying zinnias. But, they’ll be back. And next year - I’ll plant them again and cut them again. I’ll be a little different and more time will have passed from when they first entered my orbit.

Alyssa, I think it’s time for you to start a bed of zinnias. I’ll show you how.

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